Archive for March, 2005

Just missed him…

Posted: March 30, 2005 in Uncategorized

6AM, and that damn woodpecker gets back to work on my roof. I jump out of bed, and head straight downstairs to the back door, open it…and realize the hose has been turned off. No way to spray the little pecker without going out to the spigot, which of course walking all the way outside scared him off the last time.

Plus, I realized I’m standing there in my Calvin Kleins, shivering my a$$ off. I was too pissed to care if my neighbors saw me.

So I start running around the kitchen and living room, looking for anything that would convey the simple message, "GET THE FVCK OFF MY HOUSE, BIATCH". I kept thinking he would suddenly take off, and I would have to wait yet another day to get this point across. The downstairs is tidy, so I can’t find anything small and unbreakable. So I’m checking the fridge, and realize I can’t use the fruit (it would bruise). Then I spy in a bowl on the counter a bag of russett potatoes. Ah yes, cheap, safe, indestructable ammo.

I didn’t heave it very hard, but he saw it coming straight for him…he unperched himself and flew with extreme conviction just a millisecond before the potato hit the gutter right where he was standing.

Which reminds me, softball season is coming up…


Damn woodpecker…

Posted: March 28, 2005 in Uncategorized

One decided to take up construction of his new home on my new home. He started hammering again at 7AM. And he was working yesterday, too. So I’m naturally peeved to be awakened like that, and get up…then I quickly get dressed and head out to get the hose. The little sh!t took off right as I walked across the porch. Then for some odd reason, I get personally hammered about it. Lousy way to start the day, and I’ll likely be walking half-asleep thru the rest of it.

Maria Carey, the sanity-challenged songbird, has been quoted all over the ‘net that she was a virgin until marrying Sony honcho Tony Mottola at the ripe old age of 23, and that she’s only had a few lovers. When FHM asked if she could count the number of guys she’s had sex with on one hand, she replied, "Less than one hand." Which just proves once again that there are only three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who do not like to use their hands.

Religious-free TV on Easter

Posted: March 27, 2005 in Uncategorized

Did anyone else notice The Ten Commandments wasn’t on TV tonight? I can’t remember the last time I didn’t see the film being aired on Easter. Looking thru TV Guide, I realized nobody else was running anything related to religion and Easter, either. "Desperate Housewives" was on…now THAT’S good, God-fearing programming…

Have the networks become so politically correct (or afraid) that the faith this country was built upon is less important than lawsuits? Hey, that’s just me thinking out loud…

Good food…

Posted: March 27, 2005 in Uncategorized

The wife suggested Desert Fire for dinner on Friday. Nice place, and it’s not as expensive as it used to be. The Santa Fe Stuffed Chicken plate was excellent. We’ll be eating there again, highly recommended.

I spent all day Saturday cleaning toilets and refrigerators (hey, the toilets get scrubbed way more often. YOU tell me which could be worse…). In the evening we watched Shaun of the Dead…it’s not so much a parody as it is "a romantic comedy that just happens to have zombies". I laughed my ass off, but I suppose you have to be in the right mood for a movie like this.

The night before we watched, "The Final Cut", with Robin Williams. No, it’s not the film version of that Pink Floyd album. It actually was interesting, in that one person you have never met can see your entire life as it occurred thru your eyes, and then edit it down into a 95 minute film for your funeral. Yes, your recorded memories include all the bad stuff you did…spooky, huh? Williams played the part OK, but it definitely wasn’t his best work.

Sunday was Easter brunch with the family. I ate, then watched some damned exciting basketball, especially UK’s 2x OT win. Just getting to the first overtime was intense.

I’m blabbing, is this really exciting to anybody?

A wacko other than Jacko?

Posted: March 23, 2005 in Uncategorized

Don’t get me wrong, I think Jackson is a bit "off the wall", so to speak. But the latest prosecution witness in his child molestation case seems to be spinning on a dime. First she testifies that the kid’s family is very sincere, and the mom is really scared of the Jackson camp after the documentary aired, and that they were being held against their will. Then today she sez that it was the FATHER of that po’ cancer kid that tried to wrangle money from Jacko, not the mom.

So, what happens when the defense gets to ask questions? Oh yeah, that’s right…she originally described the family of same po’ cancer victim to police as totally bipolar and that they were very excitable. Yes, she even goes on to tell the police that this family can be as wacky as they want to be. Was she describing the Jackson clan? Noooo, dear reader…she was describing the people she was testifying for!!!

Her excuse for the sudden change of description toward these people, you ask? Well, she said she was PROBABLY exaggerating and engaging in "hyperbole" that is her "stock and trade as a comedian".

Ms. Palanker, I just have one word of advice: if you want to make a name for yourself as a comedian, TELL FUNNY JOKES, BIATCH. You’re a friggin’ moron to be making a name for yourself trying to take down another entertainer, much less a former superstar.

I think she’s just pissed cuz she was stupid enough to give those lame-asses 10 grand out of the goodness of her heart…

Huskies WIN!

Posted: March 17, 2005 in Uncategorized

They’re in the Big Dance, and somehow got one of the #1 seeds. I had the game on today during work (I know, BAD Slugbait, BAD!) and was quite astonished how quickly they went up on points. They started to falter later, and Montana put on an impressive come-back attempt, but those first nine minutes decided the outcome. Other Sweet Sixteen teams will pay very close attention to those games tapes. Of course, my wife is happy (she’s a Dawg, I’m a Coug), but I can’t help rooting for them. Gonzaga, too…that school has never really been known for much outside of basketball, but considering they’re an "east-side" team, I hope they also continue winning.

The Seahawks seem to have quieted down…no real big off-season deals lately, other than signing the Ram’s Brice Fisher to the defensive squad. Reunited with Grant Wistrom, they are now the "bookends" on the line. Of course, this also means I was wrong AGAIN with my predictions, considering Fisher will be taking the place of Okeafor. And we didn’t persue Plaxico Burress at all (plus, heTOTALLY screwed up a good thing in New York, and may not even have a team by camp!), "Pork Chop" has been signed up, and Bannister is still shopping around. So by now, you’re all probably wondering what the HELL do I know about football, right? But I was right about Heath Evans, so I’ll take some solice…

Bought a used monitor the other day, a Sony 400PS 19" for $65. It’s old, but it looks great…slightly better than my somewhat-newer ViewSonic GS790 19" (yes, I’m running dual monitors). The 15" LCD that I used to have as my secondary monitor went into my wife’s workroom, replacing a monster-sized Nokia 447L 17" monitor (circa 1994). She’s happy, cuz it makes her workroom look less cluttered, and she has more physical desktop space. Eventually, I’ll get a large LCD (or two) for my main system, but I’m waiting for prices to come down more.

Also got Doom 3 for $15 today. But I need to finish playing Halo first. Besides, my old Ti4200 isn’t powerful enough to turn on all the eye-candy in Doom 3 and keep up respectable framerates…but I’ll play it anyway 🙂

EWWW! Got it on video…

Posted: March 13, 2005 in Uncategorized

Jackie and Karl, the previous owners of our house (and very good, old friends, btw), came over for dinner last night, and we started talking about the a-hole neighbors next door (yes, they long pained with them, too). Then came the shocker I hadn’t heard before: my wife mentioned how she had recently seen the neighbor with a shovel, cleaning up the enormous amount of dog poo in his backyard…and tossing it along the edge of the fence that borders with the neighbors who live behind us (hmmm…could this be one reason those neighbor’s house is for sale right now?). So I’m thinking I need to get this guy on film next time he does this.

Today I go outside to do some weeding along the fence of my backyard when I saw him thru the fence carrying a shovel. Ah-HAH! I ran inside and grabbed my Nikon 995, went up to the master bedroom, and started taking pictures. This time I was in for a rude surprise: he was dumping it all along the fence adjacent to MY backyard this time. Ooooh, was I pissed…I need to weed just a foot or two away from a huge pile of excrement at some point! So I grabbed my ancient C-VHS palmcorder and caught him in action.

And he spent like 45 minutes cleaning it up…after I was finished with my short film, Jeni and I had lunch on the back porch, and he was STILL shoveling poo when I cleared the dishes. Now I understand why he rigged a doggie pen around the stairs to his hot tub…it wasn’t for new puppies, it wasn’t to keep the dogs off the top and destroying it (like they did last year)…it was to keep the dogs from relieving themselves in the small area where these jerks walk barefoot to the tub (darn it…)