Invade Canada!

Posted: April 19, 2005 in Uncategorized

With sardonic wit, I suggested in an email this morning that I favor invading Canada next. Late this evening, I’m thinking that it’s a great idea…but in a different way and for a different reason.

You might recall the ChoicePoint debacle last month. You might have heard of the very recent debacle about LexisNexis. These credit agencies admitted disclosure of personal information for literally hundreds of thousands of US citizens (perhaps more), and info that is now known by (possibly nefarious) people who either paid for it or stole it outright from them. These credit agencies know EVERYONE, they know every shred of financial evidence of every single person in this country, so if you bought a house, or a car, or even just applied for a credit card, you must now must watch your credit statements and get credit updates at least twice a year to be sure that someone else who now has your SS number isn’t racking up tens of thousands of dollars in fraudulent charges in your good name, and ruining your future in the process.

Yeah, that kinda sucks. In comparison, it makes the whole "internet security" thing people constantly b!tch about look like a seven-year-old girl complaining that the ickiest boy in class kissed her on the tetherball court during recess.

But if that wasn’t enough, the lone government agency that every single US citizen hates with every fiber of their being has made the ultimate fvck-up: they made your private information as public as an off-the-wagon Ben Affleck at a Vancouver strip club.

That’s right, kidz…the Internal Revenue Service, the entity which requires you to fill in your SS number and frequency of recurring genital warts you suffer with every tax filing you submit throughout your life for eternity every April 15th, has made your personal information as available as a veteran NFL running back.

Quote: The Internal Revenue Service also is unlikely to know if outsiders are browsing through citizens’ tax returns, because it doesn’t effectively police its computer systems for unauthorized use, the Government Accountability Office found.

Ouch. Check it:

The IRS found 53 security flaws with their system back in 2002. And now, three whole years later (today, for those keeping count at home…) they have fixed only 32 of those flaws. Um, excuse me…three years to fix two-thirds of ONLY 53 security flaws? And does anyone have a count of the number of security flaws found since then? NO??? So the next time any of you anti-Microsoft fanboys b!tch that MS takes more than two days to fix their security flaws, just keep in mind that your own government could give a ratz azz about security…and the IRS’ irresponsibilty isn’t limited to some stupid worm or browser hijack. This breach is your life.

And it’s your government’s complete lack of responsibility to blame for it…not some stupid operating system or Internt browser, or even Microsoft.

Hey, got an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who is a cop or an IRS employee? Or even just a contractor for the IRS? SURPRISE! That jackhole can also easily access you personal financial reports! That person might even be able to make changes…and probably not towardr your benefit, either. Oh who the hell cares…a master list of passwords and user names is also available.

So, let’s invade Canada. They’d love to get a ton of white-collar professionals, as well as experienced ditch-diggers. And we would get low-cost medical by moving up there! Plus, we wouldn’t have to worry about tectonic plates ruining lunch, or killer bees ruining dinner. It’s chilly, but we could buy turtleneck sweaters (I look pretty good in a mock-turtleneck…)

I work with a PM who just this week got "permanent residency" in the US. Right now, she’s probably thinking, "Oh, sh!t…"

  1. Nicole says:

    Roger you read my mind 😛

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