Baby’s first computer…?

Posted: November 13, 2005 in Uncategorized
Let it be known, Newsweek is officially smoking crack. "Baby’s First Desktop"…? Yeah, skip the Brady Bunch reruns, and get that kid into mouse-induced carpal tunnel before the little tyke can reach the Quake IV frag limit. The first suggestion these brainiacs have? Don’t start them too young. Right, kinda kills the whole baby thang for your story idea right there, doesn’t it?
The second suggestion: Go with a desktop. There really aren’t too many other options besides a laptop, so it’s kinda hard to argue this without looking stupid. But the reasoning is that a desktop is cheaper and easier to upgrade. However, they then suggest Gateway and Dell systems as "two good options". Hell-OOOH Newsweek, you can’t upgrade Gateway and Dell computers! Sheesh…
The third suggestion: ignore those morons at Consumer Reports magazine, and splurge on the extended warranty. Hey, consider this…your baby might live more than three years, so why not go for it! Ignore the fact that the system will be obsolete by the time they’re five years old.
Of course, the best results come if you match the school’s computer. Seriously, they used a singularity. Like a school has just one. OK, I jest, they mean Mac vs PC. But c’mon, you have no idea which computer OS the pre-school is using, do you? And you’re on a waiting list for a different pre-elementary prep school that your kid still has a shot at being accepted to, so you don’t want to poison their chances with learning the wrong OS type, right?
Last, and thank God least, their suggestion is to protect your data. Hey, it’s the kid’s frickin’ computer! If your data is on it, you DESERVE to lose it to some suckling techno-neophyte!
In other words, get to liking that stupid purple dinosaur, cuz you kid is gonna grow up a lot more normal with Barney than he/she will if you thrust a mouse into their hands.

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