Another Top10 list

Posted: January 23, 2006 in Uncategorized
Yeah, I just GOTTA have another stupid mousepad from Letterman’s Top10 Contest. Didn’t get a winner last week, so here are my submissions for this week…wish me luck, or send in your own damn funny lines…

Top Ten Signs Osama bin Laden Wants a Truce With the U.S.

  • He flashes a smile every time he proclaims, "I like Bush"
  • He’s hired Drew Rosenhaus as his agent
  • Professes his desire to audition for American Idol
  • Says that a Predator drone ruined his last pair of underwear
  • He wants to reunite with his long-lost twin brother, Pat Robertson
  • He offers to sell us Afghanistan for $24 in glass beads and trinkets
  • He was photographed cruising orphanages with Angelina Jolie
  • Says al-Zawahiri’s poetry recitals are driving him absolutely nuts
  • He wants to coach the Knicks
  • Claims he can take Peyton Manning to "the next level"
  • He wants to auction off his kidney stone
  • Claims he just bought tickets from Mike Tice and doesn’t want to miss Super Bowl XL
  • He filed a lawsuit against Boy George for stealing his "fashion sense"

In other news, the Long Island Lolita is going to be forgiven on reality TV by the guy with the greatest name in television news history. And when you think about it, what woman would actually want to marry, or for that matter want to screw a married man, named Buttafuoco anyway? This just goes to show that the best train wrecks NEVER end, folks…

Archaeologists just found a statue of one of the most important women of ancient Egypt, who was believed to be the first queen to have her name appear on official acts alongside her husband, and was known for her influence in state affairs during the reigns of both her husband and her son. When contacted by phone about this extraordinary find, Barbara Bush stated that she had no comment…other than the fact that the statue got her hip size wrong…

Some jackass grabs Scarlett Johansson’s breast, looks down Teri Hatcher’s dress, and queries Eva Longoria about her hair (and it’s NOT the area loaded down with hairspray…). All this horrendous behavior results in getting a swank, high-profile job walking the carpet at the Academy Awards. Folks, if this is what you can get away with by being openly gay, and get paid, it’s time I come out of the frickin’ closet…screw this software development employee options crap…

Everybody picks the Steelers to win SuperBowl XL. Here in Seattle, we don’t care…cuz every game prediction has been wrong so far for the ‘hawks, why should this one be any different? Think about it for just a second…the supposed AFC contenders Indy and New England were eliminated WEEKS ago, and the ‘hawks were the ones that were projected to lose back then, and every week since then. Most of Sports Illustrated’s writers said the ‘hawks would tank against Carolina this week…the experts don’t know shit.


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