Super Bowl Babies

Posted: February 14, 2007 in Uncategorized

Another Super Bowl, another line of pissed-off people.  Nothing even remotely approaching the “wardrobe malfunction” in severity, but some people just ain’t happy if they aren’t bitching. Gay groups jumped all over Snickers cuz a couple of guys lip-locked and ripped out their chest hair. A mental health group bashed General Motors because their commercial had a robot that could dream (about committing suicide). Even before Super Bowl Sunday, people starting griping about the commercials: K-Fed said he’s "really sorry" because the restaurant industry felt offended by the commercial he was in (did Nationwide apologize? Not…). Even the half-time show got rocked again by a large bed sheet that made Prince’s guitar look like a giant phallic symbol…like anybody expected anything less from The Artist Formerly Known.

It seems nobody was paying attention to the obscenity on the playing field…did anybody notice that Rex Grossman had a passer rating of 104 in the third quarter, and yet the Bears had a grand total of just five first downs?

Anyway, the list of people offended by this year’s Super Bowl grows by the day. Here they are, in no particular order…

The Neanderthals in those Geico commercials are offended that a rock was used in a Bud Light commercial to knock out some guy. They claim to have invented the rock as a weapon, and weren’t even given credit for it. They argue that “patent pending” doesn’t mean somebody else can just use their idea without permission or compensation.

PETA is up in arms about gratuitous physical abuse of animals after a mouse was painfully used as a computer peripheral. The fact that abusing this mouse didn’t accomplish anything was blamed on Vista.

The Sierra Mist “Combover” commercial earned the company a lawsuit from Donald Trump, who claims that although it was obviously a combover, they still had attempted to copy his trademark hair style.

The Doritos “Crash” commercial offended the entire mobile phone industry: there are laws popping up everywhere to ban phone usage while driving, but eating chips? Nobody bats an eyelash.

Chewbacca is upset that someone’s speaking line was “pulling their shoulders out of their sockets” in the Sierra Mist “Karate” commercial. That’s what wookies do, but no one approached him for the commercial, and he’s been out of work for years now.

Ebay is pissed at Bud Light’s “Wedding” commercial. After all, they have to remove auctions like this from their site. However, Anheuser-Busch avoided a trademark lawsuit since the auctioneer did not have a “Marry me now” option.

K-Fed is offended that he wasn’t offered a role for a commercial by (who else?)…FedEx. He even had a great idea for them to make fun of his impending divorce, too: “Guaranteed tomorrow!”

Simon Cowell is offended by all those “wrong door” performances in Chevrolet’s “Singers” commercial.

Women are offended when a man makes overtly sexual suggestions…and quid-pro-quo, the Doritos “Cashier” wasn’t just offensive to men, it was downright gross to any man who is not wearing beer-goggles.

Street beggars are calling foul on Chevrolet’s “Car wash” commercial, claiming that everybody now expects them to strip and dance after they sludge up a windshield, and they still only get a dollar.

Millions of Internet addicts are offended that their Connectile Dysfunction is now widely known by the rest of the world, exposing them to public ridicule as they sit on dirty sidewalks in seedy neighborhoods with their laptops…weeping.

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