We’re all goin’ to Hell…

Posted: March 11, 2008 in Uncategorized
The Pope and the Vatican at large, bless their hearts, have decided to add yet another set of new sins to an ever-growing list that will all but guarantee you an audience with The Morning Star. A wide net has been cast so that there are not only individual sins, but those for which all of us, as a society, contribute to which negatively impacts all the world as a whole. Among these "new sins" are genetic manipulation, drug abuse, and the imbalance between the rich and the poor.

Hmmm…that last one is particularly interesting. The Vatican is rumored to be the richest of any organization in the world. My guess is, don’t be surprised if you see the Pope himself cutting in line and demanding a private 1-on-1 with Lucifer.

Coupled with the list of sins released last year concerning automobile drivers, the Vatican is basically covering just about everybody alive today. Which got me to thinking: why is everybody a sinner now? Then it dawned on me…

Heaven is full.

Think about it. There are over 6 billion souls currently walking the Earth. Billions have died since the 70’s, when we first reached 4 billion. We’re cranking out souls at an alarming rate. Heaven is getting crowded. The Vatican has been notified by God: the No Vacancy sign is now lit.

There is one way to be sure you’ll get thru the Pearly Gates: CONFESS! Yup, just go tell some priest all the bad crap you did, and you’re forgiven. But considering all these new sins that are coming out lately, you might want to prepare first with a spreadsheet…and schedule potty breaks with the parish, too…


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