Jack Thompson is GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!

Posted: June 8, 2008 in Uncategorized

My topic header is in direct reference to an old Doonesbury strip, cuz it seems appropriate for The Butthead. This far-right-wing religious crusader who masquerades as an attorney had to go up against the Florida Supreme Court in a disciplinary hearing, and being found guilty of 27 charges (out of 31), the Florida Bar has recommended a 10-year enhanced disbarment from practicing law…"enhanced" meaning that he can’t even APPLY for readmission to practice law for at least 10 years.

C’mon, Florida, cut the man a break…you know just as well as everyone else that The Butthole will need a LOT more practice to become a decent lawyer (play rimshot.wav).

Like any competent attorney would do, The Butthole walked out during the hearing (no, he didn’t ask for a hall pass from the judge) after submitting his formal objection. Among the shocking revelations contained within his objection:

  • The referee, Judge Tunis, is not even a judge!
  • Five of the other six Florida Supreme Court Justices ALSO are not judges!
  • The Butthole will personally remove Judge Tunis from office "in the days and weeks ahead"
  • Recommendations for his disbarment have no findings in fact…everything was fabricated by the Supreme Court
  • When arguing the lack of findings of fact, The Butthole compared his situation with that of a rapist (wrongly accused, we would assume…)
  • He has "proven" repeatedly that Judge Tunis is "incompetent"
  • Judge Tunis is presiding over a "kangaroo court"
  • The handling of his pleadings in court were compared to how Nazi Germany would have handled his pleadings…except he won’t go to a "relocation center" for the "final solution" to be applied (dammit…)
  • He refers to himself as an "uppity Christian" (finally, some semblance of reality from the man…)
  • His own 15-year-old son purchased Grand Theft Auto IV…after Daddy told him to
  • His kids learned on the radio how female amputees properly lubricate their stumps in order to place them into the anuses of men (yeah, I know, too much information, and totally irrelevant)
  • After a court-ordered mental health assessment, The Butthole was found "wonderfully sane"
  • After stating, "Finally, and then I am done with this formal objection to these proceedings", The Butthole has TWELVE more lengthy paragraphs of diatribe to read thru (play groan.wav)
  • He is an "enemy of the Bar" simply because he opposes gay adoption
  • He thanks God for the situation he is in now, and backs it up by quoting multiple verses from the Bible, including ‘They hated me without reason.’ Dude, we have LOTS of reasons to hate you, get real.
  • He first sez he has been invited to be one of four honorees at some festival, then sez he will ride with four other honorees in a parade…in other words, either he isn’t one of the honorees, or he can’t do basic math
  • Clinton and Obama are both on his side

In defense of The Butthole, I submit the following personal observations of his formal objection:

  • He did not (once again) falsely accuse Half-Life: Counterstike for the VT Massacre
  • He did not question Judge Tunis’ sexual orientation

Those last two points alone demonstrate that, indeed, The Butthole is "wonderfully sane"…

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