Whiners, the lot of them!

Posted: June 11, 2008 in Uncategorized
OK, so they’re probably better described as "wankers" (no, I’m not British). Let’s get started, shall we…?

Terrell Owens sez, "They can test me one thousand times!" after he missed a random drug test. Dude, Olympic athletes get kicked out with extreme prejudice for missing drug tests. Professional athletes get heavy punishments for missing drug tests, up to getting kicked out. Oh, but our buddy T.O. gets to slide a bit cuz his primary contact number was his agent’s phone, who apparently didn’t answer it for the first time in his life. Another number was an old one "he never put down". Another number had a "full voicemail inbox". Another number wasn’t even his phone number (um…then why did they have that number on record, doofus?). How the hell are they supposed to contact you, T.O.? Maybe, give you 25 million reasons to call THEM? So T.O. gets to slide because…well, JJ is opening a killer new stadium soon, and T.O. can’t provide nearly as much drama as a suspended player as he could as an active one, so there ya go. Just for fun, let’s calculate the number of tests you’re willing to take: for the next 365 days, you’ll need to pee in a cup…in front of a witness…two to three times a day. Of course, T.O. argues, "I know what I put in my body"…I could be misremembering, but doesn’t Barry Bonds own the copyright to that phrase?

NY Giants receiver Plaxico Burress has three years remaining on his current contract. But he’s not going to show up for training camp because he caught the winning touchdown in the Superbowl, and isn’t getting paid as much as losers like T.O., Randy or Larry. No, it was not the miracle catch which set up his touchdown catch. Translation: "My team got damn lucky last year, our QB can’t stop throwing picks, an SB win ain’t gonna happen again anytime soon, so I gotta cash in NOW".

NBA commissioner David Stern repeatedly called former referee Tim Donaghy a "convicted felon" or "admitted felon" the other night after Timmy squealed about rampant corruption within the NBA (note: calling Donaghy "convicted felon" could earn Donaghy millions in a slander lawsuit). Stern also said Donaghy was the only one guilty of a crime…but if you watched the Lakers being fleeced by foul calls in game 2, and play back some older Finals contests, things from Timmy start to ring true. And remember, Stern is the guy who whole-heartedly approved moving the SuperSonics from a medium-sized market past a small market to a non-existent market…hey, Stern: LA is still trying to get a football team, and they have the largest market…do you know anything about economics? Outside your own pocket, that is…

The (former) Chicago Bears Cedric Benson, and his friends, insisted that water police didn’t need to pepper-spray and kick the snot out of him last month cuz he wasn’t BWI (boating while intoxicated), as the police claimed. So what does he do? He has a couple of drinks and goes driving…at 2AM. Claims he ran "a yellow", not a red light. Refuses a breath test. Then he repeatedly blames the whole thing on "poor judgement". His agent sez a police videotape will "prove" Cedric’s innocence. It’s sad when your agent does the whining for you…

Bobby Engram is no superstar…nobody outside of Seattle really noticed him until the ‘hawks Super Bowl year. And he got hit with a thyroid condition that sidelined him for nine games. But last year, he was again the most productive receiver the team had. He is head and shoulders above Jerramy Stevens, both as a player and a person, but some "experts" believe that doesn’t entitle him to a big payday, primary because he’s almost geriatric now. Holmgren loves him, Matt loves him, Seattle loves him…but the front office is putting on the brakes. Just the same, by holding out on practices, Engram is dropping to "whiner" status…even tho’ he ain’t the guy with three years left on his contract…

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