Archive for September, 2008

NFL Week 4 Predictions

Posted: September 26, 2008 in Uncategorized

Only 13 games this week, and I’m siding with Peter King on 9 of them. In fact, on three of my picks the fans overwhelmingly picked the other team to win, so I suppose I’m predicting a multiple upset week…

Bengals over Browns: both winless, but the Bengals were far better last week, and they’re playing at home
Titans over Vikings: the first three weeks were against really lousy teams…a mirage? Maybe. But they’re defense is well balanced for both the run and the air, and their offense efficiently controls the clock
Broncos over Chiefs: fourth starting QB in four games…but they only have three QBs. Yup, back to Huard. Broncos got lucky the last two weeks cuz their defense isn’t nearly as good as their offense, but still, this one should be over by half-time unless Larry Johnson has a 200-yard game
Saints over 49ers: another team where the offense is far superior to the defense, I just don’t see the 49ers compensating for points
Jets over Cardinals: two geriatric QBs, one has a bum ankle…if that ankle doesn’t improve by Sunday, I’ll likely switch
Bucs over Packers: I picked the Bucs wrong all last year, I’m already picking the Pack wrong this year, somebody tell me home field isn’t the deciding factor…
Panthers over Falcons: I think they’re pissed about getting their star receiver back last week, and then losing. Not twice in a row, not at home, so…
Texans over Jaguars: upset pick of the week, I think it’s just their week to win one…actually, I’m counting on Schaub to be pulled at half-time, and Sage getting the win in the second half
Chargers over Raiders: SD is going to have their act together for this one
Rams over Bills: like I lamented about Arizona last week, when was the last time the Bills started 4-0…or even won four in a row? On the other hand, the Rams are God-awful…to which I say, when was the last time they started 0-4, or lost four in a row? Going with history here, folks…
Cowboys over Redskins: I was one of the few who correctly picked the ‘skins last week, but if you think they can beat the ‘boys in Dallas, you’re smoking crack
Eagles over Bears: Westbrook is hurting, McNabb hurting a little, but they have so many weapons and almost beat Dallas…and I still don’t have faith in da Bears’ QB situation, even when playing at home
Ravens over Steelers: is Baltimore’s defense back? Looks like it. And if Big Ben could get sacked six times in one half last week, I’m betting the Ravens will do it, too

Um, well, um…EEEWWWW!!!

Posted: September 25, 2008 in Uncategorized
So you thought maybe PETA occassionally goes a little overboard at times? Let’s just say they USED to be tame

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is asking (Ben and Jerry’s) to begin using breast milk in its products instead of cow’s milk, saying it would reduce the suffering of cows and calves and give ice cream lovers a healthier product.

Let’s start with the first thing that comes to mind: YUCK.

And how am I supposed to feel about licking an ice cream cone made from the teets of a woman I’ve never met? Am I cheating on my wife if I imagine which woman my confection came from?

You’d think PETA would start with somebody less famous, like Tillamook, or even Safeway’s "Select Premium", but no…they go for B&J’s behemoth first.

Which brings us to quality control…how does B&J segregate the lactating crack addicts who are looking for a few bucks for their next fix? And what about those men who have sympathetic lactation excretions…will there be specific flavors for them, and will the tubs be labeled appropriately so that I know what to specifically avoid purchasing?

I’ve seen my wife hooked up to a milk-pumping machine, and she didn’t have a situation where she could relax and chew her cud. Do cows really suffer? And since when could anybody milk a calf, anyway?

These guys are OUT!

Posted: September 24, 2008 in Uncategorized

Just after the final game to be played at Yankee Stadium, the team has been eliminated from the playoffs. Darn, I was really hoping they would make it so we could watch A-Rod choke again.

The owner of the Detroit Lions obviously listened to his kid, cuz we find out this morning that Matt Millen is also out. All across the state, football fans are throwing going-away parties for Millen…however, he hasn’t accepted any invitations, since he would rather be burned in effigy than be burned alive.

Plaxico is out of the game against the Seahawks Oct 5. The doofus had played hooky all summer and whined for a renegotiated contract…now that he has the money, what does he go and do? He gets suspended one game for playing hooky. Yup, he’s a bag of chips, too.

Right after an ass-whoopin’ by the formerly winless Seahawks, the Ram’s highest-paid player, Marc Bulger, is out. Last year they were devastated by injuries, this year they’re devastated by ineptitude…but the QB takes the heat. You’re not seeing Carson Palmer, Derek Anderson or John Kitna getting benched, right? Lame…

T.O.’s latest book is out. Right now you’re probably thinking, "He’s written other books…?" Hey, it’s understandable if you didn’t know that, since he’s the one athlete who doesn’t write about sticking a syringe into some other guy’s ass.

Clay Aiken is out. Of the closet. He’s admitted to People Magazine that he’s gay. I’m shocked. You should be, too, cuz he thinks "the news may overwhelm some of his fans". So get started on your overwhelming, folks.

NFL Week 3 results…hmmm, OK…

Posted: September 23, 2008 in Uncategorized
Besides those employed by the Dolphins, did anyone think they would beat the Patriots? OK, for those seven people who did think that, did any of you think the Dolphins would rack up 38 points, winning by 25? Didn’t think so…even the Chiefs, Lions and Rams didn’t lose by 25. And now some think Randy Moss is already regressing to his infamous Raiders attitude.

Bad pick with the Lions, I should have listened to my gut and switched. You could say it can’t get any worse for Detroit, but don’t say it out loud…otherwise, they’ll try to prove you wrong. And now the Vice Chairman of the Lions is publicly saying that if he were his daddy, GM Matt Millen would be fired. Now that’s a novel idea, why hasn’t anybody else thought of this before?

Most people picked Arizona to go 3-0 this weekend. I went with history, and picked correctly.

The Cowboys have finally won at Lambeau. I went with history, and picked wrong. Oh well, I’ll probably pick wrong with the Packers all season.

In all, I got 11 of 16. Not bad, considering I picked 8 correct in week 1, and 9 correct in week 2. I’m improving.

phuutbawl stuff

Posted: September 18, 2008 in Uncategorized

Peter King posted his picks for this weekend, and this time we only see eye-to-eye on half of them. Naturally he doesn’t agree with my upset pick (nor do the fans), but Peter thinks the Vikings with Frerotte at QB is going to completely blow away the Panthers, 30-13? On the other hand, we agree about Jags vs. Colts, while 77% of fans are picking Indy to win.

Peter had the following to say about the ‘hawks:

Not saying the Seahawks were getting to the bottom of the barrel in their search for wideouts — no team at any position has been beaten up more in the first two weeks than Seattle’s receiver group — but the next two guys scheduled to come in for workouts on Mike Holmgren‘s short list were Steve Largent and Brian Blades.

Ha-ha. Funny. That was rich. It is to laugh…

NFL Predictions, Week 3

Posted: September 17, 2008 in Uncategorized
Falcons over Chiefs: Isn’t KC on their third QB in as many games?
Bills over Raiders: Buffalo has been surprisingly efficient so far
Bucs over Bears: I might switch on this one, but there’s something about Chicago that gives me a bad feeling
Titans over Texans: Both teams originally hail from Houston, neither is called Oilers. Eh, I had to pick one to win, so…
Panthers over Vikings: Carolina got Steve Smith back this week, Vikings are handing the keys to Frerotte…do the math
Patriots over Dolphins: More experienced QB in Miami, but they lack in other areas
Giants over Bengals: What? I’m picking NY to actually win a home game? No, I’m just saying the Bengals suck
Redskins over Cardinals: How often does Arizona win three games in a row? And Zorn knows this team well
Broncos over Saints: Despite what people say about the whistle costing the Chargers a win last week, Denver still had to punch it in…and then did it a second time so that they wouldn’t have to go to overtime
Lions over 49ers: I might switch on this one, too. The question is, which team sucks less?
Seahawks over Rams: Because Seattle went out and got a couple of new receivers, they now suck less
Jaguars over Colts: Indy barely squeeked out last week, exclusively due to Manning, but they lost another guy.
Eagles over Steelers: After watching them on MNF, I don’t see how they can lose another game until they meet Dallas again
Ravens over Browns: It’s not that Baltimore sucks less…it’s that Cleveland simply sucks
Packers over Cowboys: My upset game of the week. Yes, I’m being serious.
Jets over Chargers: You might think this is another upset pick. Nope. Favre usually does wonderous things on national television, and San Diego seems to have a habit of blowing key plays

NFL Week 2 results…gah, part duex

Posted: September 16, 2008 in Uncategorized
Got nine games correct this week, although Ike basically moved the Ravens/Texans game to November, so 9-for-15 isn’t too bad, I suppose. MNF was one of the best games I’ve seen in a long time, and I was (happily…) way off on points and first downs for the tie-breaker. I got really peeved at the Bengals last year, and it looks like they aren’t going to make a season out of it this year, either. Can anyone fathom the idea that the Bills are 2-0, while the Chargers and the Vikings are both 0-2? Lions, Chiefs, Rams, Dolphins, Browns…no surprise those are all 0-2 teams.