Archive for November, 2008

Pacman is probably happy

Posted: November 29, 2008 in Uncategorized
Mr. Jones is looking at Plaxico Burress right now, and thinking, "I’m not half as stupid as that guy." Personally, I do think he’s half as stupid as Plax…

NFL Predictions, week 13

Posted: November 26, 2008 in Uncategorized
If I had remembered to make my picks in time for TNF last week, I would have picked 11 games correctly. As a result of my mistake, I’m not even in the top 4K on the leaderboard. Heavy sigh…

Titans over Lions: Many hoped to see the first time an 11-0 team went up against an 0-11 team on turkey day. Me, I correctly picked the Jets to win last week (and the Lions to lose again, of course…)
Cowboys over Seahawks: Every expert picked Seattle to win the division, even as late as the fifth week. I don’t see a street being named after Holmgren this time…
Cardinals over Eagles: Warner is getting a lot of MVP talk, even tho’ Drew Brees has better numbers. McNabb getting benched last week indicates to me that Philly is getting stupid-desperate.
Bills over 49ers: Buffalo started to slide, then came back strong last week.
Ravens over Bengals: Cincy players were spotted forming a line at the post office to buy stamps…
Colts over Browns: I want to pick an upset here: I saw way too many wobbles from Manning last week, but his passes are still connecting, so…
Packers over Panthers: I just can’t pick Carolina because of their record…the Pack is better than their record, and playing at home (has the tundra formed yet?)
Dolphins over Rams: I want to pick another upset here, but I think Miami really does want to win now.
Jets over Broncos: NY beat the last undefeated team last week. Better adjectives: pounded, strangled, humiliated, spanked.
Saints over Bucs: See comment above about Drew Brees.
Giants over Redskins: This should be a hard-fought game. I really want to pick Jim Zorn, but every time I consider it, I think of that TV…
Falcons over Chargers: Nobody can figure out what happened to SD, I’m just going to stop trying. Ok, maybe it’s cuz LT is almost a non-factor this year.
Raiders over Chiefs: After beating Denver, they have a winning attitude now. And no, I couldn’t type that without laughing, but c’mon, they’re playing KC…
Patriots over Steelers: I sure hope this is the TBA game listed at TV Guide…
Vikings over Bears: I don’t think I’ve picked the Vikings correctly all season, it’s driving me nutz.
Texans over Jaguars: MNF at home…that doesn’t happen much for Houston, they should be really fired up.

NFL Predictions, week 11

Posted: November 13, 2008 in Uncategorized
Last week, four games I picked wrong were decided by 5 points or less…dammit. The real brainfart was picking Detroit only because of Culpepper. But I do have two upset games predicted.

Patriots over Jets: I wish Comcast wasn’t so damn greedy, this might be a very close game. But I’m going with home field.
Falcons over Broncos: I just don’t think Denver can string two games together, and Atlanta is the biggest surprise in the NFL this year.
Eagles over Bengals: Welcome back to reality, Cincinnati
Packers over Bears: So very close last week, Green Bay is probably on a mission this week, and playing at home. Da Bears QB this week is…
Colts over Texans: I think Indy is finally getting things in a groove
Saints over Chiefs: Just a hunch
Dolphins over Raiders: Just another hunch
Ravens over Giants: Upset game of the week #1. NY needs a little jolt at home to humblize about
Bucs over Vikings: Tough call. Going with home field
Panthers over Lions: Fool me once…ok, so nobody fooled me, I fooled myself
Titans over Jaguars: They have to lose a game sometime this season…my guess is they’ll wait until Thanksgiving (wouldn’t THAT be a hoot)
49ers over Rams: A little better organized, and SF could have squeaked one out last week against the first-place Cards.
Seahawks over Cardinals: Upset pick of the week #2. Matt’s back, playing at home, and SF showed the West how to compete against Arizona
Steelers over Chargers: Hunch number 3
Redskins over Cowboys: Game of the week. Romo is back to guide the most-talented offense of disfunctional individuals in the NFL with a splint on his pinky. The ‘skins like the taste of Jim Zorn Kool-Aid, and they’re playing at home.
Bills over Browns: Too many seasons that Buffalo started strong, then faded away. Is it happening again? Well, they’re playing the Browns, so…

NFL Predictions, week 10

Posted: November 5, 2008 in Uncategorized
Went from the best week I’ve ever had to the worst week I’ve had in a
long while, and my leaderboard rank plummeted to 3382. My only solace
is that Peter King also had his worst week of the season, beating me by
one game. Ah well…

Ravens over Texans: Baltimore’s D is going to be too much for Houston
Browns over Broncos: Fresh QB, but Denver’s D is really sucking right now
Falcons over Saints: My upset pick of the week
Titans over Bears: Tennessee is just clicking, Chicago is all beat up, and Urlacher isn’t the same guy anymore
Lions over Jaguars: You might
think it’s the upset game of the week…but Detroit’s offense is
tickled fucking pink to have a QB like Culpepper calling the signals,
and they’re all going to raise the level of their game
Dolphins over Seahawks: Seattle has seldom been able to win in Miami, and Hasselbeck is still OOF
Packers over Vikings: Green Bay lost in OT last week, they’re going to be fired up this week
Patriots over Bills: Going with home field on this one
Jets over Rams: Favre made a
couple of bad decisions last week, but otherwise he did what I hoped he
would do: play within the system, don’t always try to force a big play,
play not to lose as much as to play to win
Panthers over Raiders: I need
to send my resume to Al Davis. I always wanted to coach an NFL team,
and it doesn’t seem like anybody with actual experience coaching
football wants the job…
Steelers over Colts: Who knew Leftwich was actually a good QB? This could be a shoot-out.
Chargers over Chiefs: KS put on a good show last week, actually kept the game close, but it won’t be the same story against SD
Eagles over Giants: They’ve both got some swagger going, they both hate each other intensely, going with home field for national TV
Cardinals over 49ers: Despite Arizona’s record, and solidly all alone in first place in the NFC West, who the hell is going to watch this game?

So, what does McCain do NOW?

Posted: November 3, 2008 in Uncategorized
It’s the day before the election, and sadly, we find out that Obama’s grandmother has died. She won’t see the boy she raised be elected as the nation’s 44th President.

At Camp McCain, there was a chorus of "ahhh SHIT!"


Person 1:
"Dammit, now we have to deal with sympathy votes."

Person 2:
"Well, there goes Florida…"

Person 3:
"Do we have John make some sort of statement of condolences?"

Person 1:
"Yeah, get the old man on the phone."

Person 3:
"How should his statement read?"

Person 1:
"Well, it better not be anything like she was taken at such a young age, that’s for damn sure."

Person 2:
"So what tactic do we employ about this for our side?"

Person 1:
"Does John have a sick grandmother?"

Person 2:
"No, she died at the turn of the century."

Person 1:
"She did? I don’t remember using her death for sympathy votes during the last campaign eight years ago."

Person 2:
"I meant the 19th century…"

Person 1:
"Oh. Right. OK, people, ideas…"

Person 4:
"How about John’s house suddenly burns down?"

Person 1:
"Which one?"

Person 4:
"I dunno…his least favorite?"

Person 2:
"C’mon, we’re dirty politicians, not arsonists."

Person 3:
"What about Sarah?"

A hush falls over the room.


Person 1:
"That would leave John without a running mate."

Person 4:
"Yeah, but think about it: huge press. National day of mourning."

Person 3:
"And we get a do-over."

Person 4:
"Yup, half of America doesn’t think she’s ready to take over."

Person 2:
"And she’s a bitch."

Person 1:
"Not like Hillary, but I get your point. OK…cause? Car accident? Plane goes down?"

Person 4:
"Hit man."

Person 1:
"Hmmm…cheaper, easier, less collateral damage, big game changer…I’m liking it…"