So, what does McCain do NOW?

Posted: November 3, 2008 in Uncategorized
It’s the day before the election, and sadly, we find out that Obama’s grandmother has died. She won’t see the boy she raised be elected as the nation’s 44th President.

At Camp McCain, there was a chorus of "ahhh SHIT!"


Person 1:
"Dammit, now we have to deal with sympathy votes."

Person 2:
"Well, there goes Florida…"

Person 3:
"Do we have John make some sort of statement of condolences?"

Person 1:
"Yeah, get the old man on the phone."

Person 3:
"How should his statement read?"

Person 1:
"Well, it better not be anything like she was taken at such a young age, that’s for damn sure."

Person 2:
"So what tactic do we employ about this for our side?"

Person 1:
"Does John have a sick grandmother?"

Person 2:
"No, she died at the turn of the century."

Person 1:
"She did? I don’t remember using her death for sympathy votes during the last campaign eight years ago."

Person 2:
"I meant the 19th century…"

Person 1:
"Oh. Right. OK, people, ideas…"

Person 4:
"How about John’s house suddenly burns down?"

Person 1:
"Which one?"

Person 4:
"I dunno…his least favorite?"

Person 2:
"C’mon, we’re dirty politicians, not arsonists."

Person 3:
"What about Sarah?"

A hush falls over the room.


Person 1:
"That would leave John without a running mate."

Person 4:
"Yeah, but think about it: huge press. National day of mourning."

Person 3:
"And we get a do-over."

Person 4:
"Yup, half of America doesn’t think she’s ready to take over."

Person 2:
"And she’s a bitch."

Person 1:
"Not like Hillary, but I get your point. OK…cause? Car accident? Plane goes down?"

Person 4:
"Hit man."

Person 1:
"Hmmm…cheaper, easier, less collateral damage, big game changer…I’m liking it…"

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